Meaning in a grey world.

So, on more than one occasion now I have struggled to start a blog in which I could write about something a little more pertinent to the world than just my own life. As a result all I really had was a whole lot of frustration, a semi thought out theme, a couple good points and the the continuing motivation from a friend to just start somewhere and go from there (shout out to Jelisa). I was planing on writing about the disproportion, misdistribution, or maybe even the misinterpretation of wealth within our system and lives. But in the end I was not able to even get it off the ground. Where would I start? Was I really talking about anything that really mattered? Would anyone really care? These were all just stumbling blocks that I just couldn't seem to pass and so I just gave up until I was motivated to try it again. So one day after work, I was hanging around doing some finishing touches around the building. I found one of my co-workers still at work as well in his back office. So I sat down and grabbed a cup of coffee, which I'm sure was still on the burner from that morning still but I drank it anyways. My co-worker and I started talking, first about nothing overly important -- mostly about work and the day's happenings -- then for some reason I decided to talk about my difficulties with starting a more meaningful blog. My co-worker has already created a very successful blog for himself as well as achieving excellent results with the rest of his social media endeavors (except Facebook, no matter how many times his office mate explains the true uses of it), so I was starting to see why my subconscious had veered the conversation in such a way. Anyways, I was asked a couple simple question and I began to see that maybe I hadn't thought the idea through thoroughly enough. I had the passion to talk about it but I didn't have the research or facts to back that passion. Then we began to talk about perhaps what I really wanted to ask or try to talk about. We weren't talking about how the rich are rich and the poor remain poor and how both sides have done nothing to really deserve to be in such a position. After a couple minutes of conversation, my co-worker started talking about how when his life is at it's simplest is when he is at his happiest. How when he goes to the cabin with nothing but his family, dogs, and transistor radio he is at the peak of enjoying life. There is never the worry about whether or not the power will go out because its nothing a couple candles and a gained sense of intimacy wouldn't fix, what they will do for entertainment because someone living around them will have a ball or frisbee and with childlike imagination it all can become a game, what will happen when no one can reach his cell phone because with or without him the problem will be solved or postponed, I think you see where I'm going with this and I think every one agrees. So I started thinking. How can I be so upset with where the majority of wealth rests when I haven't stopped to appreciate the lifestyle that I've not only grown accustomed to but a lifstyle that I have taken full advantage of without a thought of simply being satisfied but that I still want to attain more! What am I really reaching for? A newer car, a bigger TV, a bigger house? I just listened to someone close to me tell describe that they were happiest when they had only the necessities such as running water, food, shelter and people to share their experiences with. So why are we surprised when we have the bigger house, TV, car, etc and we are always sorely disappointed that it's not all we worked ourselves up for it to be? The more I think about it, the more I can't help feeling like we've all been enlisted in a race to the top of the mountain and only those we deem to be lacking in societies view are smart enough to have themselves disqualified from this crazy race. Now don't label me as "the 99%", "occupy" or a faction of "anonymous" just yet. I am, however, starting to understand where those groups are coming from. I tend to think that their version of "the solution" is perhaps over simplified or black and white while breezing over all the shades of grey. I don't claim to have a thesis on how it can be solved or even what the entire issue is. I also don't believe that there is really anyone to blame but ourselves (wow...that doesn't sound too cliché...). Working at The Lighthouse has taught me that only the hopelessly idealistic have black and white choices. I wish I could return to the days when I could make a straight forward decision and not have to worry about the wake of my decision potentially causing someone to relapse into drugs because they had to move back into a crack house or end up in jail 3 months later because of a screwed up situation that you wanted to help them out of. In the meantime I am holding onto this new perspective and I know that it'll change a lot of my day to day decisions so that I can start to focus on other things that I am still struggling with finding clarity on. Maybe this conversation between you and I has changed something and then maybe not, I did just say a black and white world is for the overly idealistic but it doesn't mean that I can't keep hope to shed some light into the corners of grey in this world. Thank you for reading and until next time.

Further updates

Ok, so it's been far too long since I posted something to this blog. When I first started this page up I intended to "show up" more often and to make it a regular thing but I found that I just didn't have enough inspiration or enough to talk about. At least enough non-confidential content from work that I can publicize. Anyways, I was just thinking about keeping all of you lovely people updated in the goings on in my life. I guess I'll start off with my working life; I am rapidly approaching my last day at The Lighthouse, at least until I'm done my degree at which time I am hoping to return in a higher capacity for our clients. But really, a lot can happen in four years. In personal affairs, I've already started sorting and packing my things here in Saskatoon. I am planing to move back to North Battleford for a couple months in order to make a little extra money for school while living at home for a greatly reduced cost (Love my mom). I have yet to find a job for when I move back home, I was thinking of applying to the golf courses as a maintenance person or something because I wouldn't say no to free golf ;). I've asked my co-worker here to help me work on my sorry excuse of a resume, which really hasn't had a good redux in a few years and even then I use the term "good" very loosely. I suppose that's the short and sweet of it all. I filled a couple shifts yesterday and found I was really bored, mostly because when I work the front desk no one dares to step out of line. So today while I'm doing the same shifts I figured I'd bring you into the loop. Again, I'm sorry that I have nothing more urgent or interesting to share but give me a few more tries to get this "blogging" thing under control. Have a lovely day people!

Don't Look Down.

This blog idea seemed like a good idea about fifteen opening sentences ago, but that sentiment is quickly fading. That's when a thought hit me; No one is going to care and even if they do, what do I care. Now that that is out of the way I can start my journey of fumbling around in the dark for proper spelling, grammar and most importantly some sort of context. So forgive me if I don't get it right the first few tries. Well, for anyone who doesn't know me very well, I will give you a brief idea of who I am (in terms of work, if you want a personal profile check me out in the Star Phoenix classifieds). I work at The Lighthouse Supported Living in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. My title is Maintenance but I assure you that I am so much more than just someone who is constantly fixing an old building. Sure, what I do is important; It's what currently keeps over 70 otherwise homeless people housed in Saskatoon. Aside from that, I am a case worker and councellor of sorts. The clients that I have the most success with seem to be the people who have burnt all their bridges with all the services in town and usually all the other staff at the Lighthouse (which is a really hard thing to do). I'm a sort of last resort for most of them. Now let me get something clear before we move on. In no way do I feel above anyone or that I am their personal saviour. I am just someone who has thick skin and tends to hang in for the long haul on "lost causes". I also cook and have worked as both the cook and kitchen manager for The Lighthouse, but those are positions that I no longer work because we have much more qualified people in those positions now. I think I was in those positions to simply get the kitchen to a level at which someone could come in and take it over without being absolutely overwhelmed (sort of how I came to it, only I'm pretty sure I was more than overwhelmed when I started). Mission accomplished, and moving on. That was a glimpse of the present state of my life, and now I'd like to talk about future plans. My future is something that has only come out of the fog to reveal itself within the last month or two (not that I haven't pursued other scholarly paths, just that this one feels right). I've recently applied to the University of Lethbridge, in hopes of being accepted for a degree in health sciences majoring in addictions councelling. I am really excited to begin this new leg of the journey, but I may be putting the cart before the horse on this one seeing how I have only just applied to the program a couple of weeks ago. I do feel confident that this is the right choice for me and I will continue to pursue it, no matter how many times I may have to re-apply. Although fingers are crossed that "first time is a charm" holds true. The program is a four year course and after I'm done I plan to return to Saskatoon and continue working for The Lighthouse. The Lighthouse itself is starting to gather momentum within Saskatoon with amazing opportunities, new growth and great ideas coming to realization. It is all beyond exciting and something that I feel that I need to be a part of. Short of sounding cliche and saying God has called me to be there. Well, that wasn't so bad. I know I tend to zig zag and fail to grasp any tangeble context but give me a break, I'm still wet behind the ears. If you've made it this far I feel as if I should get your mailing address and send you a gift and perhaps an aplication to fear factor for completing this harrowing ordeal. All joking aside, thank-you for reading. Marcel Monette